Discipline: How To Get What You Want In Life

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Discipline: How To Get What You Want In Life

nowlaterI am experiencing something so powerful right now.  Ever read a book that feels like it was written just for you, it speaks to your heart and soul so deeply?

I am reading The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod.  It’s all about discipline and accepting a challenge that will impact your life significantly.

These two powerful quotes appear early in the book, setting the tone so perfectly.

Those who only do what they FEEL like, don’t do much.  To be successful, you must take action even when you don’t feel like it, knowing that the action itself will produce the motivation you need to follow through”  -Hal Elrod

If you’re not uncomfortable on a daily basis, you’re not making much progress.”  -Robin Sharma

So simple, yet so true and such a great reminder that we all have the power within us to create progress and success.

I am currently doing the 30 day challenge with one of my clients and we are both finding it so effective and inspiring.  One of the things my client shared is how powerful it is for her to work through it with me – she is able to absorb all of the amazing wisdom and lessons the book teaches and also work with me to dig deeper into some issues she is struggling with and to understand her motivation for doing this.

When we understand why we have trouble with self-discipline, it is so much easier to create the discipline you need to accomplish your goals.  Understanding your “reason why” is also powerful – to follow through you need to really commit.  To commit, you need to truly want it and understand why and believe in what you will get out of it.

You may be able to identify with some these common reasons for poor self-discipline (source: Hal Elrod):

  • Instant gratification
  • Feelings dictating actions
  • Living with excuses
  • Being bored and the need for variety
  • The someday mentality
  • Isolating incidence
  • Not being committed
  • Waiting for breakthroughs or quick fix
  • Not believing in your dream
  • Rearview mirror syndrome

Let me help you find what’s blocking you and help you find the solutions to clear that block and really commit.  I will hold you accountable. I am your accountability partner!!   We all need one but most of us don’t realize it.

If you are ready to discover what is holding you back, find your reasons why you can and should commit and then work through The Miracle Morning, contact me.  I am happy to offer you a complimentary first session so we can determine how we will work together.

Let’s do this.

 


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Things You Absolutely Need To Know Before Hiring A Coach

happenWinfried Sitte wrote this amazing article about what coaching is. Honestly I couldn’t say it better myself.

I know you’ve seen my posts and probably understand parts of what I do.  I thought it would be helpful to post this article so you can see the big picture and really see the power and value of what I do.  If you think for even a moment that the idea of a coach sounds interesting, please do take a few minutes to read this article and really absorb the specifics.  It’s a short and easy read, while still being full of great info that is pretty eye opening.

My favorite part is where it talks about change.  Such a theme in our lives – change.  Fighting change. Trying to create change. Fearing change.  It’s a complex topic.  Compounded by the fact that we have so many ideas, so much stimulus and so many opportunities.  You know what?  That’s what coaching is all about… it’s about processing thoughts, figuring out what change you need and creating meaningful results!

Let’s do this!  Let’s open our eyes to the possibilities (not to mention fun and excitement) all around us.

Click Here To Read Now

If you are ready for a complimentary session – get yours booked now. If you are ready for a complimentary session – get yours booked now.  Simply click the link and it will walk you through the easy steps (really just have to input your contact info and select your date!)


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You: On A Higher Plane

self_esteemThis month we are talking about self-esteem.  It’s a topic that is important to me and one that I consider myself very well versed in, after living for many years with low self-esteem, which is part of what inspired me to become a coach and study self-esteem and self-worth daily.

Every day I see and hear people wondering about themselves, as spouses, as parents, as people.  We want to be the best we can be.  Parents not only struggle with their own self-esteem issues but strive to instill lessons in their children that will allow them to develop a healthy self-esteem.

With so much thought and talk about it, I wondered if people really and truly understand what exactly it is.

The most widely accepted definition is that of Nathaniel Branden, who defines healthy self-esteem as “the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with life’s challenges and being worthy of happiness.” 

So how does one go about becoming competent and felling worthy?

Every single day we learn, we make choices and decisions and we respond to change.  We evaluate our “results” when it comes to those things.  We also look at our successes and achievements and happiness and we put it all together and decide if we think we are worthy.

This powerful quote really says so much. What if it’s true???

Apart from disturbance whose roots are biological, I cannot think of a single psychological problem—from anxiety and depression, to underachievement at school or at work, to fear of intimacy, happiness, or success, to alcohol or drug abuse, to spouse battering or child molestation, to co-dependency and sexual disorders, to passivity and chronic aimlessness, to suicide and crimes of violence—that is not traceable, at least in part, to the problem of deficient self-esteem. Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves.”  ~ Nathaniel Branden from The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

I think we all understand the importance of a healthy self-esteem, so how do we develop it in ourselves and help our children grow with confidence and deep rooted self-esteem?

The answer has been defined by Branden, below.  Study this outline and see how closely aligned you are with the Pillars.

When I read this, my mind instantly goes to the pillar of The Practice of Self-assertiveness.  The willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas. Not backing down to peer pressure or people with stronger and louder opinions.  I think of my teens and twenties. when that wasn’t easy to do… to just be me.  I didn’t know who “me” was.

I realized that before we can start to feel good about who we are, we have to know who we are.  If you haven’t seen my values assessment yet, click here to get.  Understand your values and core beliefs creates a guidepost to measure “me” against.  You can look at how well you are living your values and beliefs and feel proud of your authenticity – which will naturally boost your self-worth and self-esteem.

This my friends, is just the beginning…and it’s an exciting journey!

BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM by Nathaniel Branden

In “The Six Pillars of Self Esteem,” Branden examines the six practices that he has found to be essential for the nurturing and sustaining of healthy self-esteem:

The practice of living consciously, of self-acceptance, of self-responsibility, of self-assertiveness, of purposefulness, and of integrity. I will briefly define what each of these practices means:

The practice of living consciously: this practice is about being aware.  Being aware of the moment, your beliefs, your values, what you are doing (rather than just following the crowd mindlessly).  It is about being open and eager to learn and being conscious of what we know and don’t know.  Seeking to understand ourselves and our world.

The practice of self-acceptance: the willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning and without punishing ourselves and forming judgment or comparing to others; giving oneself permission to think one’s thoughts, experience one’s emotions, and look at one’s actions without necessarily liking, endorsing, or condoning them; the virtue of realism applied to the self.

The practice of self-responsibility: realizing that we are the author of our choices and actions; that each one us is responsible for life and well-being and for the attainment of our goals; that if we need the cooperation of other people to achieve our goals, we must offer values in exchange; and that question is not “Who’s to blame?” but always “What needs to be done?”

The practice of self-assertiveness: being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.

The practice of living purposefully: identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them (formulating an action-plan); organizing behavior in the service of those goals; monitoring action to be sure we stay on track; and paying attention to outcome so as to recognize if and when we need to go back to the drawing-board.

The practice of personal integrity: living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.

 


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Build Relationships For Greater Happiness and Success

relationship-buildingMy friend Julia asked me if I wanted to speak at an intimate event she was having. We met for coffee to discuss the event and I asked her about her vision for this networking gathering. She said “it’s not about networking Andrea, it’s about bringing the community together”.

First of all, that’s a beautiful answer – it’s about others, it’s about a bigger picture, it’s selfless.  This moved and inspired me!

I very quickly shift gears, this no longer felt like this was an opportunity for me to teach what I know.  It no longer seemed important that I present my services in hopes that you would want me to be your coach. But instead… I became a part of something so much bigger – this community.  This vision that when a large group of people come together, anything is possible and sometimes the best way to discover opportunity and love and friendship is by putting aside your own personal agenda and being open to something bigger.

This got me thinking more…

While it is about something bigger, it’s also about something deeper.  It’s about a willingness to invest in building relationships and not just looking for a quick opportunity to advance your own agenda.

Let’s really think about that.

Let’s pretend for a minute or two that you had nothing but yourself and love and friendship to offer and receive. You weren’t worried about business or new clients or money.  I should be clear I am not saying those aren’t important things to think about and plan for.  I am simply saying there is a time and a place and at a gathering, with a community of people, you and everyone there is better served and likely to get so much more out of it, if you go in with no agenda or expectations and are open to listening and connecting and sharing.

Let’s take it a step further. What would you have done differently so far in life, at parties, at events?  Really think about this.  Remember a specific event.  Would you have taken more of on interest in the other person instead of wanting to talk about yourself?  Would you have talked to people you normally wouldn’t have?  Do you think you could have made a new friend, or learned something new?  Do you really see that the possibilities are endless?

The reality is, a lot of what comes up in gatherings is self-esteem and life purpose issues. We worry if people will like us and if our life is impressive enough.  They worry about the same things.  We are all thinking about…What we do .. What school our kids go to.. Where we traveled to…

That’s all good stuff but it’s not WHO you are.  It’s not what you have to offer.  And it’s not who they are or what they have to offer.  They are more than their job, more than a potential connection or client.

When you go to meet new people, it helps to know what you really want from your relationships. What do you really want from your time, in the moment, at a party or event?  Are you open to exploring new people and ideas and maybe finding: honesty, kindness, love, information, support, laughter, friendship?

If you go in with that mindset, you are still likely to make connections to help further your business – but you will also get – and give – so much more.
What stops us from having more of this in our lives?

Ourselves!  We often aren’t consciously aware of our core values and when we aren’t aware, we aren’t adhering to them in life.  So we feel disconnected, uncomfortable, insecure and we focus on our ego and not our heart.  We focus on our agenda and not connecting.

Why?  When we are not congruent with who we want to be our self-esteem suffers and we are not living our life’s purpose and we aren’t at our best, our most open and our most loving.

Once you are clear about your values and who you really want to be, you can begin to create a life of more meaning and purpose. Which allows you to enjoy and be enriched by your networking and social events and get more out of them!  It’s not just about looking good or getting a new client.  It’s about building relationships. Those relationships bring various things to our lives, sometimes business, sometimes personal. You can never go wrong building a connection with someone and you never know where it will lead.

So at the next networking or social gathering you go to.., get to a place of understanding who you are.. And seek to understand others. Who knows what will happen next!!


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Happy New Year 2016!

As 2016 Begins, May You Have . . .

Words of a Life Coach

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doesn’t it feel good just to read these emotions and states of being?

You know how strongly I believe each ad every one of you can live a life of purpose and joy.

Looking for 2016 to be your best year yet? Click here to start living life on purpose. I can’t wait to hear from you.

Look out, 2016 . . . I’m unleashing some empowered people on you!

 

 

 


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Baby stepping across grass

Suck at Life? How to Babystep Big Change

Feel like you “suck at life?” Most of us stumble through our days, unsure of how to move out of a dead-end job or relationship or improve our mood enough to even take a step.

You really, really, really can thrive at life, even if you don’t think you have what it takes – you do – and I will help you find it.  Every day I hear questions like:

  • Is it is possible to be happy again?
  • Will I every find my purpose?
  • Are there things I haven’t thought of?
  • Can you even help me?

“Maya” made nearly all of these statements. She came to me saying she couldn’t remember the last time she felt happy. Her job sucked, her relationship sucked. She couldn’t get through her own fog of indecision [note that if I think someone needs psychiatric counseling, I refer them.]  I could hear how much Maya went around in circles trying to make decisions. She didn’t see how any part of her life could ever be different. But life coaching exists to create CHANGE along with the clear, consistent steps that get you there.

Turn “I Suck at Life” to “I Thrive at Life” with Concrete, Measurable, Bouyant & Bubbly Change

When you’re mired in your own shit, finding your own way out is next to impossible. If you could have changed your life by yourself by now, you would have.

Changing on your own is difficult because:

  1. You can only see the perspective that you have always had; put another way, you cannot see past your own limited perspective.
  2. You can’t always hold yourself accountable to your goals
  3. It’s hard to have the awareness to break through the blocks that stop you from success.

A life coach helps you gain new perspective on your obstacles, your attitudes and your goals. First, the simple act of sharing your paralysis and confusion feels incredibly liberating. It ignites the first glimmers of Clarity (read about the joy of Clarity in our other blog post.)

Unlike psychological therapy which delves into childhood experiences, the point of each life coaching call is to work concrete change for your life NOW. With each call or meeting something changes – a client revitalizes the reason they went into business, unearths old hopes and dreams for life, recognizes purpose and passion. Week after week, we work on these mini-changes until they snowball into significant, positive life transformation.

Life coaching can last anywhere from one month to twenty years, as long as the client is committed to the work and is getting value and changing positively, the relationship continues. Know that it can be a process, with each meeting or discussion building on the changes or success achieved in the week before. The first changes are often:

  1. Discovery of life purpose.
  2. Discovery of goals.
  3. Creation of a schedule and habits to achieve those goals.
  4. New understanding of how a new perspective creates change.
  5. Getting clear on and validating your unique values.
  1. Understanding how happiness springs from a life lived according to those values.
  2. Clarification of which parts of your life work and which don’t.
  3. Discovery of what stops you – the limiting beliefs, assumptions, gremlins and interpretations ravage our sense of self.
  4. Evaluation of judgments of yourself and others.

With change, overwhelming stress dissipates and you move on to being inspired to do something different in your life. We all want to live life more deeply and with passion, fun, peace. Some changes we strive for but often fail to achieve include losing weight, finding “the one,” feeling fully alive, tackling career change or advancement, addressing relationship issues, finding happiness.

Change can take courage

cartoon of learning to change by flyingMost people are completely misguided about what courage really is. My two favorite quotes about courage are:

“Feel the fear and do it anyway.”

In other words, don’t try to conquer the fear before you take the first step toward your goal. Instead, take that fear along with you for the ride. And . . .

“Courage = Fear + Action.”

Courage isn’t the absence of fear. Instead, it’s the determination to act while accompanied by fear.

We work together to build your courage by:

  1. Brainstorming the exciting possibilities that will come with positive life change and living the purposeful life.
  2. Helping you to see all of the successes you have had and how that relates to your future.
  3. Working through carefully designed journaling activities and other tools that prompt you to think deeper about what it is you truly want in life.

 

While this process can take months and even up to a year, rest assured that we will not only have fun doing it, the growth you’ll experience feels amazing!

After going through a four-month coaching process, “Maya,” told me,

I’ve learned what my true values are which is essential for living out my truth! My relationships with my family and friends are SO much better and I’m able to practice boundaries, which is HUGE for me!”

Maya was able to reconnect with her passion for her business, leave a negative relationship and strengthen her bonds because she had the courage to reassess her outlook and habits. Her small, consistent changes amounted to significant increases in the happiness, love and determination in her life after just six months work. Recently, when Maya and I recalled the dark, limited assumptions she used to make about how a future business interaction would go, we both burst out laughing.

You Dont Have to Suck at Life

The Answers Are Within You. I Help You Find Them

You CAN find deeper meaning, your life’s purpose, your passion, your values and, importantly, your boundaries. To put one toe on your path to radical life change, please feel free to schedule a completely FREE, 50-minute discovery session with me today. Every new client’s life story blesses me. I look forward to learning from you!


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A Holiday Wish for My Life Coaching Clients

Dear Friends,

I’m writing today for three reasons. One is to wish you a happy and healthy holiday season for you and your family.

Another is to remind you of something important . . .

During the holidays, we neglect ourselves. Obsessed with orchestrating the Hallmark holiday, we rush about frantically, putting more emphasis on the right gift or dish or decoration than our inner well-being.

Ironically, it’s at this time that we must stay centered enough to reflect the joy the season brings.

Feeding our souls takes time, but when our loved ones see us enjoying ourselves, they are free to do the same. When we are at peace and centered, our delight become infectious.

Get clear on your hopes for the new year and act to enrich your own happiness so you can emanate the warmth and love you intend.

Schedule a 90-min session in December for $99.00 and we will go over the following life coaching questions together:

1. What do you already know you want to accomplish this coming year?
2. What are you excited about for the coming year?
3. What does having a full and rich life mean to you? How could you have more fun?
4. What would like to express in your life or work more?
5 What are your biggest challenges in the upcoming year?

Go to my schedule and book a convenient time for either the 15-minute complimentary exploration for the 90-minute Blast Off or book the 90-minute Blast Off itself. I have early morning and late afternoon times for your convenience. We can also arrange a mutually convenient time when you call me at 858-344-4300 or email at coachingwithandrea@gmail.com.

Live with Purpose Newsletter

Finally, I’ve been stockpiling short, useful articles to help you map out your life goals, get clarity on your relationships, gain the sense of peace you long for and find your life’s purpose. I will be sending out these articles each month starting in January. I know everyone’s inboxes are full of email newsletters, but I’m determined to make mine worth your time. If you would like to join my life coaching email newsletter list, please enter your email address here. You can also follow my new business Facebook page here for daily inspiration and tips.

Wishing you and your family richness and genuine connection this Thanksgiving!
Andrea


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Live with Purpose, Especially at the Holidays

 

Dear Friends,

I’m writing today for three reasons. One is to wish you a happy and healthy holiday season for you and your family.

Another is to remind you of something important . . .

During the holidays, we neglect ourselves. Obsessed with orchestrating the Hallmark holiday, we rush about frantically, putting more emphasis on the right gift or dish or decoration than our inner well-being.

Ironically, it’s at this time that we must stay centered enough to reflect the joy the season brings.

Feeding our souls takes time, but when our loved ones see us enjoying ourselves, they are free to do the same. When we are at peace and centered, our delight become infectious.

Get clear on your hopes for the new year and act to enrich your own happiness so you can emanate the warmth and love you intend. Schedule a 90-min session in December for $99.00 and we will go over the following questions together:

  1. What do you already know you want to accomplish this coming year?
  2. What are you excited about for the coming year?
  3. What does having a full and rich life mean to you? How could you have more fun?
  4. What would like to express in your life or work more?

5          What are your biggest challenges in the upcoming year?

Go to my schedule and book a convenient time for either the 15-minute complimentary exploration for the 90-minute Blast Off or book the 90-minute Blast Off itself. I have early morning and late afternoon times for your convenience. We can also arrange a mutually convenient time when you call me at 858-344-4300 or email at coachingwithandrea@gmail.com.

Live with Purpose Newsletter

Finally, I’ve been stockpiling short, useful articles to help you map out your life goals, get clarity on your relationships, gain the sense of peace you long for and find your life’s purpose. I will be sending out these articles each month starting in January. I know everyone’s inboxes are full of email newsletters, but I’m determined to make mine worth your time. If you would like to join my email newsletter list, please enter your email address here. You can also follow my new business Facebook page here for daily inspiration and tips.

Wishing you and your family richness and genuine connection this season!

Andrea

 


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Achieve 2016 New Year Resolutions with a Little Help

90 Minutes to Start 2016 with Clarity & Confidence

Learn how to create a plan to make your 2016 New Year resolutions happen. Let’s work on the New Year together… Not so much about resolutions.. but more about getting to understand what you really want – and what you are willing to do to make it happen… I’ll be your partner on the journey.

Click here to get either a FREE 15-minute intro session or ninety-minute 2016 Best Year Life Coaching session.

2016 Life Coaching Offer


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Active Listening

Last week we talked about communication and how important it is to listen actively.

When you learn how to  listen your relationship will be more connected and loving.  Have you been   taught how to listen effectively?  How do we learn this??

 

Sometimes it’s hard to listen and actually hear because there are outside distractions, sometimes it’s your own thoughts that are distracting you.  Other times you are so busy preparing your response that you forget to listen to the other person.  Sometimes the speaker isn’t engaging and is droning on, or maybe they aren’t clearly and concisely articulating their point.

 

Whatever the reason is, making a concentrated effort to learn how to actively listen and hear people is crucial for your relationships and your communication skills.

Being an active listener means not only making sure that you’re actively paying attention but also that you let the speaker know you are.   Here are some great techniques offered by a leading communication expert Harville Hendrix

Validation means that you mirror until you hear the “sense” your partner is making.

Until validation occurs, we are not relating to our partner.until we ACKNOWLEDGE their “sense,” ACCEPT their reality and make it o.k.

Empathy is an attempt toacknowledge the “feeling” you partner is experiencing along with the content of what s/he is saying.

Empathy is the most powerful bonding experience you can have

 

When someone feels heard, they are more likely to open up and continue a dialogue.  To me it feels like water being spread over fire… when I know I am heard I breathe better.  And being heard does not always mean agreed with.  Often times it is just that there is an understanding

 

All areas of your life have the opportunity to change and grow if you focus on communication and specifically on active listening.

Take time to learn something new – and try it out at home!  Validate and Empathize

 

I am happy to work with couples who would like to learn more about communicating more effectively with each other.