Self-Talk, Self-Esteem

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Self-Talk, Self-Esteem

“Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves” – Nathaniel Branden

That quote sums it up so beautifully.  Have you ever noticed that sometimes we are kinder and more accepting of others than of ourselves?

Why is this?

It could be based on childhood experiences or it could be due to focusing too much on what is wrong with us, instead of what is right.

To build self-esteem, you need to nurture your soul, focus on the choices you make and the actions you take and look for what is right.  You won’t be perfect, but if you really examine your choices and actions, you will find so much that you are doing beautifully in your life.

If you aren’t able to do this quite yet, it’s OK.  That is why I am here.  As a life coach, I help you uncover all that is inside you and guide you through the process.  Building your self-esteem is one of the most important, life altering, beautiful things you can do for yourself.

To give you a little understanding of the practice of building your self-esteem, again I visit Nathaniel Branden’s thoughts.  Below are the 6 pillars required to build your self-esteem:

  • choosing consciousness rather than unconsciousness.
  • self-acceptance rather than self-disowning.
  • self-responsibility rather than passivity, alibiing, or blaming.
  • self-assertiveness rather than self-suppression.
  • purposefulness rather than drifting.
  • integrity rather than self-betrayal.

Branden reiterates the importance of consistency in practicing these pillars over time.

Each of those six pillars are vital to your self-love.  Read them over and start to form thoughts about what they mean to you and how they apply to your life.

Stay tuned for part 2 (coming soon), where we explore these 6 pillars in more detail.

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Self-Esteem and Happiness

selfesteemKeep your agreements or keeping your word is one of the most commonly overlooked ways to great self-esteem. Every agreement you make is ultimately to yourself, even those that involve other people. Your brain registers agreements as commitments. If you don’t follow through, you learn to not trust yourself. You lose integrity and faith in your ability to produce a result. Don’t undermine your sense of personal power – keep your commitments.

Integrity is first knowing yourself – your values, desires, talents, dreams … and then being true to that self in all actions and interactions. It’s having behavior that aligns with your values. When your actions are aligned with your values, you conduct yourself authentically, sincerely and openly. Most of all when you clarify your values, it creates more successful goals settings that are consistent and– brings purposes and passion to your life.

Is commitment a value of yours?  What are values and why do they matter?

Values area a basis to understand what motivates you.  What makes you tick.

There are two types of values – 1. Fear based and 2. Conscious based.

Fear based cause you to take action to avoid something – they are the “have to’s”  If one of your values is commitment then you may say, I have to be do what I say or something bad will happen.

Conscious based – are “want to’s” You can take positive action.  You would say – I want to keep my word because it feels right to do that.

Are you doing things because you have to or you want to??? Do you know?  Doing something because you want to feels genuine and real.  When we come from a place of genuine and real – it aligns with our integrity.  

Keeping our commitments when it comes from a “want to”  is a very important self esteem booster.

It’s important for you to explore you values.  Why do you make the choices you make and are they based on fear or conscience  – Value assessments are a great way to do this.

Write down as many values or things that you believe are important to you to live by.  Then, how well are you walking the walk or talking the talk?  What areas do you want to improve and be more consistent with your actions?

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We all have values and it’s important that we understand what they are and live them daily.

Values are meaningful beliefs or philosophies such as the belief in equal rights for all, honesty, concern for others, tolerance, justice, fairness, goodwill, gratitude, forgiveness, privacy, or kindness, self-reliance, innovation, knowledge, security, perseverance, personal growth, accountability, commitment, hard work, or resilience,  generosity, teamwork, communication, efficiency, competition, health, independence, reliability, collaboration, or leadership, creativity, prosperity, beauty, serenity, adventure, fun, or happiness.  Just to name a few!  😉

Can you pick your top three?

How are your top three incorporated into your daily life?

These are important questions.  Stop right now and take time to really think about it.  Journal or think about it, or even talk it out with someone you love and trust.

Values and Goals

When you are thinking about goal setting in your life, it is important to remember your values too!

Our achievements represent our deepest desires: what we want to stand for, how we want to relate to the world, and how we want to be remembered.

So why is it so important to establish value-centered goals?

Many people feel as if they’re adrift in the world. They work hard, but they don’t seem to get anywhere worthwhile.

A key reason that they feel this way is that they haven’t spent enough time thinking about what they want from life, and haven’t figured out how their values align with their goals. Think about it like this, would you start major journey without plans to get there and without being sure you want to actually spend time there? Probably not!

Goal setting is a powerful process for thinking about your ideal future, and for motivating yourself to turn your vision of this future into reality.  For true success and happiness, your goals must be aligned with your values.  That is how they really take root.

The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life. By knowing what matters to you in your core.  Then you know where you have to concentrate your efforts. You’ll also quickly spot the distractions that can, so easily, lead you astray.

¨ While goals may change, values are more often anchoring and consistent.

¨ They connect us to a greater purpose in life.

¨ They are an inexhaustible source of motivation and energy.

Think about your values and goals and see if they are aligned.

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Discover your life purpose with me…

lp3Finding and living your purpose is a beautiful journey.  It may happen quickly or over a longer period of time.  Think of it like this:  A treasure hunt, a perfectly paced adventure with your eyes and heart wide open.  Don’t force it or feel pressure, enjoy the process and you will learn so much more from it.

It’s starts with the decision to be open and willing to take whatever steps you discover along the way. Listen for the inspiration and message you start to hear – and don’t ignore them.  Be curious.  Be brave.  Be present in your thoughts and moments.  Embrace it all.

I smile now when I think of myself “way back when”…while only a decade ago, it feels like a lifetime ago.  I used to lie on the couch and read my favorite books by inspirational authors such as Wayne Dyer (I went through a huge Wayne Dyer phase!). These authors talked all the time about purpose, about everybody having one.  I found inspiration in the writers’ words, and something about this concept of purpose connected very deeply with me.

I didn’t want to be a person who didn’t have a purpose.

Today I am continually amazed by the opportunities presented to me, to help others live more fulfilling lives.  I am on this journey because I listened to my inner voice and discovered what truly made me happy.

Now it’s your turn!

“Seek, and you shall find,” as the proverb goes.

Don’t judge your intuitions and inspirations.  Don’t set expectations of what your purpose “should” look like.  It doesn’t have to be something BIG.  It just has to be authentic and meaningful to you. The value of your impact on others and on the world has nothing to do with its scale.

There is a lot of distraction out there that can cause people to miss the purpose of their life, and my goal is to help you see past the noise.  Think about all the stimuli around us – day to day work demands, family and friend commitments, society’s messages, devices that cause us to zone out and not be present and so much more.  We need to remember to allow time to reflect and be silent and listen and most importantly, we can’t take on other people’s notions of what a life purpose should look like and be about.

So how can you identify your purpose?

It may not be obvious and may be something that gradually emerges and takes form over years…Here are some thoughts that may help connect you:

1) What do you love to do, that you would do even if you don’t get paid for it?

The way you make your living does not necessarily have to have anything to do with why you are here. What is so you that you would just have to do it, no matter what?

2) What do other people say you’re really good at?

Be careful of going in a direction just because others think you should. That said, it’s a good idea to pay attention to the way others compliment you. Is there anything that you’re particular good at that people tell you that you should do professionally, or do more of?

People have always told me I had a knack for understanding people. And that I cared so deeply.

3) What is the one thing you want to experience, or do, or accomplish, before you die, so that on your last day on earth you feel satisfied and have no regrets in that area?

For me it is having people come to me weekly for assistance to be happy.  The fact that this is so important to me helps confirm what is my greatest purpose.

What is that thing, for you? Don’t worry if you don’t have an answer yet. Keep asking the question, and keep your eyes open for clues that will come your way. Because the answer will show up, in perfect time. I promise you that.

When we work together I will help you create your vision/mission statement for your life.

I wanted to share my mission statement:

I Andrea hear, see, feel and know that the purpose of my life is to be  truth, peace, love and kindness  to enjoy laughter and connection and to be present and create myself while helping to help others create themselves

I am here to help you find deeper meaning to your  life

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Words Matter. Do You Know Why?

wordsYou’ve heard people say that once words are spoken, they can never be taken back.  You can hope for and often receive forgiveness but the words and the feelings they caused in the moment can never be fully erased.

We take words lightly – they are easy to throw around.  However what we don’t often remember is that words are often only reflective of how we feel and think in any given moment and aren’t always an accurate big picture representation of thoughts and emotions.  Because it’s so easy to spit out words in anger or frustration and it’s so hard to erase the memory, learning to pause before you use words that are harsh and hurtful is a good idea.

Words can scar, just like physical injury.  But remember, words can also comfort and promote love and acceptance and peace.

As a general rule, I am quick and free with words of positivity of love and hope and am slower, more pensive with words of anger and hate and negativity.

Like me, you probably grew up hearing this frequently and you are probably pretty aware of the words you use and the impact they have on others.  It’s nothing new.

However, have you stopped to think about the words you use when talking to yourself or about yourself?  What messages are you sending yourself?

Whether it is simple thoughts of “I can’t” or more complex and deeper cutting words like “I always screw things up, what is wrong with me”  – they all take a toll on your self-esteem and your overall mental health.

Words can be exchanged for different words and thoughts can be reframed for a more positive message and you will likely find you have a better outlook and a healthier self-esteem once you become aware of your self talk and eliminate some of the negative messages.

Exploring your self talk is one of the many things you can do with a coach when you are looking to make changes in your life.

For more information on a free session, please click here now

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Are You Stuck?

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Do you ever find yourself wondering if there is more out there?  Wondering if you could do more?  Wondering what your purpose is?  Feeling bored?  Then do you stop and think how lucky you are and how you should be grateful for all you have?

Feeling Stuck? Painted into a corner?

Feeling Stuck? Painted into a corner?

We’ve all been there.  And it is true – you should always be grateful for what you have but that doesn’t mean you don’t want more.  You may be stuck in a rut and you may be ready for more challenges or some variety in your life.

Seeking more joy and adventure and accomplishment doesn’t mean you are ungrateful for what you have – in fact it means you are so grateful and full of life you want to keep experiencing more and more.

The hard part is figuring what else you want or need.  Do you need a new hobby, a new work challenge?  Maybe a new fitness goal or even a whole new career?

The best way to figure out what is working in your life and what you want to change is to work with a Life Coach.

As a Life Coach, my role is to ask you questions and help you find the answers within you.  So often the answers are hidden deep within us and it takes some thought provoking questions to help uncover them.

My job is to never judge, never provide the answers I think are right and never to push my opinions on you.  I simply listen, ask questions that prompt you to think and offer you tools that you can use to better your life in any area you choose.

If you are feeling stuck and aren’t exactly sure why, let’s talk and see what you uncover.

Discover Your Potential

Discover Your Potential

The world is a lot more exciting when you realize how much is inside you – just waiting to be let out!

Discover what is buried within you!  It starts with a  free session and we can go from there!

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Stinkin’ Thinkin’

Stinkin thinkin – Our thoughts create our existence… so what are you thinking about today?  Do you know that just a simple change in perspective can change your day!I

I encourage you to just take today to print this and take it with you.  Put it in your pocket or up on a wall… see it… feel it… experience it.  And most importantly –check that you are doing it.

As an iPEC Certified Coach, much of my work is based on helping clients identify their “GAILs”

(Gremlins, Assumptions, Interpretations and Limiting Beliefs)

When you start to understand your GAILs – aha moments come fast and frequent and little by little you learn that there is a voice that is not you, deciding way to many things for you and mostly making you feel “not good enough”

How do you move through “not good enough”?

It starts by understanding your GAILs and catching them when they come up.  GAILs are:
1.    Gremlins: One of my most favorite spiritual guru’s and quotes –“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Dr. Wayne Dyer. Gremlins impact your thoughts – they make you think things like: “they won’t like me in this meeting” or “this dress makes me look fat” When you begin your day today and all throughout the day – pay attention to that voice – and remember that it’s just a voice and you can DECIDE to change what it is saying – you have control!

2.      Assumptions: We all make them but you need to remember to question them. Expand your awareness – Always ask yourself – what more is there to this?  If someone is not nice to you do you always take it personally? Ask yourself – I wonder what else is going on in their life that would create that type of attitude towards me.. do I know if it has something to do with me?  And mostly… Is it true what I think is going on…or is it just my Gremlin talking to me…

Before I really understood what my assumptions were doing to my life, whenever I would go to social events I always felt like the women there were smarter than I was.  How could that be so?  How could every women be smarter than me?  It wasn’t true, it was just an assumption I made based on fears and some past history. But it stopped me from going to events.

3.      Interpretation – An interpretation is an opinion or judgment that you create about an event, situation, person or experience and believe to be true. It is very important to know that interpretations are often connected to our past and we carry them with us because it is safe. It’s what we know.  What ifthat wasn’t true anymore?  What if what you thought was true, was not?

I was at an old friends house after her mother died.  Her sister was there and throughout the weekend, my friend constantly told me what she thought her sister was thinking.  I was with her sister and the two stories were completely different.  My friend’s interpretation about how her sister was dealing with the situation was completely wrong…and it created great separation between them.

4.     Limiting Belief –  These are beliefs that you accept about life, about yourself, about your world, or about the people in it that limits you in some way.  “Oh I can’t do that job because I don’t have enough experience”  Is that really true?  Is that thought stopping you from moving forward.

Ohh boy there comes that “I’m not good enough Gremlin (voice)I thought I was not pretty enough for that guy or not smart enough for that position.

Once you truly understand the power of the GAILS you will begin to open up your life and expand your awareness to a happier life.
Do you want help with understanding the GAILs in you…schedule your 1 hour complimentary session.  No more settling for less than you want and deserve!